You’ll Find Your Tribe When You Stop Holding Back

I don’t care for the word “tribe” but it’s become such a buzz word. Everyone is on a mission to “find their tribe”. So, it’s worth mentioning. I’m not against the word or the concept. It’s just not me.Which brings up my first point:

  • That feeling you get in your gut when something doesn’t feel right?
  • When you can’t seem to agree with what everyone else is agreeing on?

Listen to that. That’s the first step. Acting on that is the second step. Every time I publish something expressing a viewpoint different from the majority, I feel uneasy. I feel like I just hit send on a brutally honest email or text message and I want to dive into my phone and yank it back.

Why is that?

I think because it’s a little scary to think differently.

It feels weird when suddenly, you find yourself disagreeing with your favorite author, or a mentor, or your peers. Or maybe you’re not disagreeing with anyone at all. Maybe you’re coming up with an idea that simply stands alone. But, you have to go with that feeling, even if it feels weird at first. Because when you do go with it, then your “tribe” shows up. Slowly. But, surely. I don’t call it a tribe, though. If you do, that’s OK.

To me, it’s a connection.  A genuine connection with another human being because I stopped holding back. The same thing happens when you become good friends with someone. There’s connection. You become vulnerable. You  begin telling that person stories. You tell them what you love, your pet peeves, and fetishes. In short:  you let them in.

And this is still new to me.

Making these connections, I mean. Connecting with a reader happens more when I hit ‘publish’ on those posts I feel uneasy about.  That’s when I get those emails that say… “I’m so glad you wrote that.” I never get emails like that when I hold back. When I write what everyone else is already saying… There’s silence.

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And, as a writer, I don’t want silence. I want to know I’ve connected with someone. And I’m learning making connections is as simple as not holding back.

Saturday, March 15th, 2014 Self development No Comments

Pick Something

If you woke up today at the same time you did yesterday, begin the same routine, eat the same type of foods, do the same kind of work for the same amount of time, watch the same amount of TV, go to bed at the same time, lay in bed thinking the same thoughts, after a day of “wishing things were different”, until you fall asleep to dream the same kind of dreams, then you will get the same results every day.

You might as well be Phil Connors. Everyday might as well be Groundhog Day. It’s amazing how easy it is to dismiss a simple concept like this.

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And I’ve dismissed it plenty, lately. I caught myself having one too many Phil Connors days (and weeks), recently. The concept I’m talking about is:  Wanting different results, but doing nothing differently. Zig Ziglar knew all about it. It’s the foundation of his simple goal setting method, and it goes like this:

Pick 4 goals. Every day under each goal write anything you did (no matter how small) to help you achieve it. If you did nothing, then write: NOTHING.

That’s the best part. That you have to write NOTHING.

Because when you see several days of NOTHING, then you know why your life is amounting to a whole lot of NOTHING. The word NOTHING is staring you in the face. It’s as simple as doing NOTHING or picking something. Last year, I used this method and achieved all 4. And then I forgot all about it. Of course, right? So back to “Pick 4” I go.

Because I’m not Phil Connors. This isn’t Punxsutawney.

I don’t have to be stuck in the same day every day, and neither do you. Today, I will review my options for going back to school, I have a list of 10 websites and I will check all of them, starting with promising mackmo, a website with plenty of tips about career and education. That’s a start!

Tuesday, February 25th, 2014 Self development No Comments

It’s Not Facebook’s Job to Make Your Life Exciting

I just finished reading this article:  “Why Facebook Is Getting Boring.”

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My thoughts: I deleted my Facebook a while back, but it didn’t stay gone for long because I realized that it’s still a useful tool to have. Yes, Facebook is a tool for you to use. It’s not Facebook’s job to excite you.

I think Facebook gets boring when you become too dependent on it for communication and when it starts to become this alternate universe you escape to. It also gets boring if “liking” something is the most interaction you have on there. Social media is there to enhance our lives, not replace it.

If you can’t remember the last time you’ve actually seen or spoken to your friends/family (not Facebooked or texted them) then, of course, that’s going to get old eventually.

When Facebook reminds you of somebody’s birthday, it’s your choice to post to their wall, call them, send them a card or a gift, or hang out with them in person if that’s feasible (and depending on how close you are to that person).

The quality and enjoyment of your interactions are up to you, not Facebook.

And is a digital interaction necessarily boring? I don’t see it that way.

I’m not sure how everyone else is communicating on Facebook  but I enjoy my interactions. And I have a small social circle, so it’s not about numbers.

Truth is, we are all busy.

There was a time when if I knew I didn’t have time to talk on the phone or if you lived far away, then we barely talked at all. Now, I can send you a message or comment on one of the life events you shared quickly, almost anytime and anywhere.

How is that boring?

There was a time when connecting with new people was more challenging.
Or when connecting with a well known author or artist was near impossible.

Now, everyone is accessible to a degree.

How is that boring?

I don’t think the word is boring. It’s overwhelming, if you think about it.

We can connect with anyone, anywhere, at any time and if we nurture our connections, it can evolve into something more meaningful that enhances our personal and professional lives.

I don’t think the word is boring. It’s spoiled, if you think about it.

Now, there is no excuse to reach out to others because of distance or time constraints. But, apparently “boredom” is the new excuse we’re going to use… “I would’ve contacted you, but now there are too many options as to how I will, that I got bored thinking about it… I got bored waiting for the app on my iPhone to load…”

Saturday, February 15th, 2014 Self development No Comments

The Market isn’t as Crowded as You Think

Not starting something because “the market is too crowded” is a poor excuse.

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  • One million blogs,
  • or one million shops,
  • or one million carpet cleaning services, if that’s your thing…
  • doesn’t equal 3 million great ventures.

It would be a shame to hold back because “too many people” are already doing that. ”Too many people” suck at what they do, and yet they run an OK business because they have the guts to pursue said business.

Isn’t that interesting?

Think about it… How many times have you done business with a well-known brand and have been unsatisfied with your experience? Perhaps it was a restaurant, a grocery store, or most recently for me – a web hosting service that seems to not care when they get everything wrong. And yesterday, I read that there is currently 180 million blogs on the internet. I don’t know how accurate that is, but I doubt that all of them publish regularly, and even the ones that do – I’m sure they aren’t ALL amazingly good.

So, the question isn’t, how crowded is the market? The question is, what value am I willing to contribute to the market? That’s all that matters.

Contributing something great to the sea of mediocre.

I recently, ordered something online and when I called to inquire about it, it turned out it was delivered to the wrong house and it would take 7-10 days to “investigate” why it was delivered to the wrong house.There was no apology for the mishap. No concern.

  • No “we appreciate your business”.
  • No “how can we make this right?”
  • And all this from a very successful and well-known company.

If this is an indication of what the market is crowded with, then no – the market is not too crowded. There’s plenty of room for MORE value in the marketplace. If your business cares just a little bit more than the next guy, we will notice. If your writing is more thoughtful and timeless rather than rushed and trendy, we will notice. When you do your work knowing that what you do matters and you SHOW it, then the market turns out to not be as crowded as you thought.

Sunday, February 2nd, 2014 Self development No Comments

Sensorial education

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It’s a program for young children but when we get older it’s easy to forget that we have 3 senses. It’s my reminder to you.

Tuesday, January 28th, 2014 Self development No Comments

Meditation-how it works

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Have you set out on a journey without knowing the destination?

Have you ever written without knowing how the story would end?

Taking a leap of faith and hoping that everything will be fine.

If you are like me, you have been there.

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Like I have said before, this month started with a challenge. And it has proved to be an interesting journey.

I have found myself embarking on a rather enlightening activity: meditation. There are so many lessons that am learning in the meditation course. Which I will be sharing with you.

The universe played me, because I feel as if I just entered myself on a 30 day Meditation challenge. It’s not easy, though it’s easy.

The meditation room is a beautiful circular room. It radiates with warmth, love and such peacefulness. I derive so much comfort when in it.

It’s a beautiful experience, though sometimes sweet sleep takes over. Well, that’s part of the journey.

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I want to share with you the stages to meditation that I have practised, still practising. Somehow, I find myself stuck in the first stage. The stream of thoughts running through my mind is unending. Though I know in time, I will master my thoughts.

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Well, then let’s get started.

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1. Initiation

When you master this stage, you are on your way to finally mastering your thoughts.

First, you need to relax.

Sit in a comfortable chair, with your back straight, feet touching the floor and slowly let go. Just relax. You can also sit in the lotus position, the point is, be in your most comfortable position.

Open and close your eyes slowly as you focus on a point in the distance. Meditate with your eyes open…

To completely relax your body you need to let go.

Let go of your feet

Let go of your hips

Let go of your stomach

Let go of your neck

Let go of your shoulders

Let go of your forehead

Let go of your face

Let go

In this relaxed mode, see the screen of your mind and just watch it.

acknowledge your thoughts, read them, pay attention to them.

Do not suppress them, rather let them.

Watch your thoughts like you watch your favorite movie or program….

2. Meditation

At this stage visualize yourself as a pale blue dot.

See yourself as you are, created in the image of God.

God is light and so are you.

See yourself…the light leaving the body, as you ascend to be with the eternal light.

3. Concentration

It’s very important to fully concentrate as you connect with God, The Father, The Eternal Light, The Supreme…

He is your most beloved father…be with him

Drown in his love

Don’t allow any thoughts…just be.

If thoughts distract you, don’t worry…start over again this is a practise that takes time.

4. Realisation

It’s wonderful being in the embrace of your most supreme power. But you also need to come back to your body.

Slowly, drift back from the father to your body.

Feel the waves of love and peace wash over you.

Relish the beautiful feelings going through you.

Sometimes you may feel weird feelings, let them be.

In removing the rust from the soul you will need to go through thoughts that may not be so pleasant for you.

Smile with your liver and plant peaceful thoughts in your minds.

 

Saturday, January 11th, 2014 Self development No Comments

Winter, Lust and Wonder-The Review

When I finished reading the book” Winter, Lust and Wonder” I just had to call my mother.

I was deeply gripped with the urgency of just how short life is and just how many words I have left unspoken. That I am yet to say and may never even speak…The book is a collection of poems that will make you laugh out loud, cry, think and most of all appreciate life. The poems are wonderfully written and very thought provoking.

I was especially touched by the poem “Blue”, a special tribute to his aging mother. James Mahoney shows so clearly just how fast time goes by and the reality that our loved ones will one day leave us behind in this world. Worse, when we are not even ready. I had to call my mother just to hear her voice and hope that she too sticks out for a very long time to come.

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Winter, Lust and Wonder is a tale of life as we experience it. The poems are courageous, honest and raging with vitality. They speak to what every one who has ever lived knows… joy, pain, love, loss and fear… and they do it understandably. There is a major longing for the good, especially that which comes with the dawn of a new day.

Reading the poem, “I walk through thee”, I saw myself. There is a great underlying tone of conquering all your fears and the beautiful feeling of knowing that you are never alone.

I especially love how he describes  love…

They say “All is Fair in Love and War…” But Love is often War… And War… Perhaps those that start Wars, simply need more Love… Or needed more than their Random Youth provided

I was inspired and moved by the poems in this book, and I recommend it to anyone wanting to understand themselves better, or to feel the deeper dimensions of themselves, and of humanity.

You are never alone! Such a comforting thought…

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Saturday, January 11th, 2014 Self development No Comments

High school sucks?

I always felt like I was living a double life. The school part and the extra-curricular part. At that time we had almost 8 compulsory subjects to learn. That would be examined after the four years of high-school. More than half of these subjects were science oriented or some other technical stuff. We had no choice but to follow the system. It was horrific for me.

Chemistry and Mathematics were my worst subjects. What’s with all those numbers? Even now, I shudder when I remember those days in the chemistry lab. I swear my teacher was speaking Greek. To kill the boredom. I always carried a novel that I read under the desk.

Luckily, since I knew my weakness, I capitalized on my strengths..literature and humanities. Happy to report that my efforts averaged the unmentionable grades I got in the sciences and mathematics. Passing exams was kind of compulsory.

Looking back, the thing I love to remember are the lovely friends I made who are still in my life now. The trouble we got in because of breaking those many rules. The way we jumped at every opportunity to get out of school (it was a boarding school). Whether, during sports tournaments, drama festivals, science fairs, any outing was welcomed.

Luckily, the group in high-school now have the choice on their subjects. It is a welcome change. The 8-4-4 system was not very kind to me. But I did make beautiful memories.

If given a chance, NO! I would not do it all over again. I am not even sure how I survived those science classes. Someone up in the sky must have looked up for me. I am glad they did! Otherwise I would drop out from the high school like my best friend did. It’s sucks when you don’t have a high school diploma, it really does. Now she found this website where she can take the online classes for GED. If she pass the GED test she will have a certificate that will allow her to attend the college. Chances are that she will be fine. I really hope so. I have a video from this website and it actually looks like fun.

Saturday, January 11th, 2014 Self development No Comments

Letter to yourself

When was the last time you wrote a letter? Even, wrote a letter to yourself ?

I got this idea from a new friend Noch Noch, she is an amazing writer. She wrote her to 16-year-old self a letter as a way of letting go of the past. And it struck me as a great way of dealing with my past too.

Looking Back… My memory does not qualify as excellent, I rarely remember anything after I have written it down. So, In order to understand the issues I was dealing with as a 16-year-old. I went back to my very first journal.

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Going through my journal has been such a great experience. I have laughed so hard, am crying now. Seriously, what used to worry me 8 years ago, has never crossed my mind, not even once.

It will be an interesting opportunity to write to my younger self, and tell her never to take life seriously. In a perfect world, my future 30-year-old, would write me a letter and tell me, “everything is going to work out”. Wouldn’t that be great?

At 16 years old, I thought I knew everything, as does every other 16-year-old. I never understood adults and it was during this time that I slowly stopped going to church. I was in an all girls Catholic boarding School, and we went to church daily. It was too much for me…

Now it’s time to put some of these things to rest.   

Dear,

Always listen to your heart. Promise me….

Do everything it nudges you to do, as long as its right just do it. Continue reading your novels under the desk during Chemistry class. Don’t feel guilty,chemistry is not for you dear. (I can’t remember anything I learnt in Chemistry). Mix up your reading with the Chicken Soup books though. Those stories will inspire you.Remember, listen to your heart and read anything when you can.

I know this might come as a shocker but you are not adopted. In fact your parents love you very much. It’s a phase you are going through, I promise you. It will come to an end. You will come to understand them more than you know.

Of all your high school friends, you will only stay good friends with 7 of them. Weird, I know. But they will be your girls forever. Just a hint, (your room mates and deskies). Noise making in class will come in handy, just don’t get caught. And take your French classes seriously.

Visit grandpa more often, I know you think he is immortal. He won’t be around for as long as you want… I am sorry. Treasure him now and call him often. In fact, no one lives forever. Stop reading too much of those vampire stories, they can be misleading.

Write daily in your journal, it’s an excellent habit. Never take life too seriously. Before I forget, harness the courage to laugh at yourself. It will save you many headaches.

Remember, you already know what you want and need. Always look within and listen. Trust me you will  find what you are looking for.

With Much Love,

letter

 

Saturday, January 11th, 2014 Self development No Comments

What to do with your fear

Do you remember the first time you did something new?

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There is always something utterly fascinating with doing something for the first time. The anticipation keeps the heart beating a bit faster.

The imagination runs wild creating scenarios of what will/ should happen. Often times, what you had imagined does not always play out as you thought.

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I remember vividly many times I did something for the first time. I didn’t know I was short-sighted until, I was about 15-years-old. The first time, I wore spectacles I thought I was literally walking on air.

It was so awkward really, everything seemed so clear and high. I had to take a couple of minutes to get my footing right. It felt like I was visiting earth for the first time.

These past few days, I am having a field day pouring through my journal and reliving my first times in life.

When you were born, you were slowly introduced to different things in the world for the very first time.

From the way your mum weaned you from her breast milk. Some mothers I know apply chili when the baby is stubbornly refusing to let go of suckling.

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Slowly, you were introduced to new foods, new people were allowed within your vicinity.You learnt to accept every new thing as it came.

You started teething, spurting out words, crawling, walking. You started making tiny friends and saw life with new eyes. Basically, you started collecting experiences and every new day, you learnt something new.

Change is inevitable like the rain,taxes and death. You have to go through it. So, with everything you experience there is always a first.

Your first kiss,first love, first job, first embarrassing moment, first favorite shoe, first A in school, first place you ever visited, first best friend, first punishment, first post, first school, first meal you ever cooked…the list is endless.

Every first time we remember is associated with an unforgettable emotion.It maybe easy to remember the first time because of the fear associated with failing or euphoric feeling after it is successfully done.

The first time in a new school is associated with the fear of rejection, fear of not liking the new school or the thrill of being in a new school.

Doing something for the first time, means that you are ready to conquer your fear. Leaving caution to the air and just doing it.

I am currently participating in a 3 week juicing clinic. It is the first time, I have ever committed myself to something like this in my life. I have to admit it is one of the hardest thing I have ever done. I am looking forward to when it’s over. Though, am sure I will look back at the experience with a smile.

This has been highly motivated by the recently completed blogging challenge. Doing something for the first time and conquering the fear of failing brings with it such an awesome feeling.  It actually validates that anything is possible.

The driving force that makes you do something for the first time. Can be harnessed and used in practically any area of life. Most especially, in moving through fear.

Don’t you just love the excitement and joy of succeeding in doing something for the first time?

Which is your most memorable first time in life?

Saturday, January 11th, 2014 Self development No Comments